It’s finally here, the day we celebrate the birth of both our nation and explosions. But while you’re honoring the great Uncle Sam, have you considered any of the possible repercussions of improper firework usage? That’s right, you haven’t. So let’s go over some simple tips for practicing firework safety this 4th of July weekend.
1) Don’t Use Fireworks To Burn An Effigy Of David Spade
While burning an effigy can be done well, it seems a bit inapropriate to be using fireworks to burn your David Spade effigy. A simple torch or gasoline trail will get the job done without seeming in poor taste.
2) Keep An Eye On Fellow Firework Users
While everyone else is enjoying the fireworks show, any present teens may use this as an opportunity to raid your private stash of vintage pornography. Doing frequent headcounts will help to keep a lid on any potential pornography theft.
3)Politely Ask Jason Pierre Paul To Leave
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, more shame on me. After Pierre-Paul’s fireworks accident last year, you’re best off asking him politely, yet with authority, to leave.
4) Don’t Light Your Fireworks With The John F. Kennedy Eternal Flame
No matter your opinions on the late President, you have to know it’s not good practice to use his eternal flame, located at his Arlington grave, to light off bottle rockets, firecrackers, or sparklers. Snakes, however, are fine.
CC Photo Courtesy Of Wikipedia Commons