Maybe Polar Bears Are Endangered Because They’re Bad At Sex

Do you ever hear something that maks you turn your head, roll your eyes, and bark like some half-man half-wolfman? I was watching the Animal Planet the other day and learned a very interesting fact. Polar bears are an endangered species. For the uninitiated, that means the number of polar bears are currently decreasing at an alarming rate.

When I first heard this I was shocked. What could be causing this sharp decrease in our white, furry, Cocacola drinking friends? Habitat destruction? Global warming?

No, it must be something more plausible.

And then I looked in the mirror and came to a relization: sexual dysfunction. Is it at all possible that the polar bears are just cold fish when it comes to lovemaking?

It’s not too terribly far-fetched. The Sumatran Tiger, Bluefin Tuna, and even the saucily-named Tufted titmouse have all faced endangerment, possibly due to low sexual appetites.

Is it possible the liberal media wants this covered up so they can blame it on global warming? I must say I’m a bit miffed that I’ve been shamed for so long about using gasoline and spraying hairspray in the air. It’s time to own up about these impotent snowbears once and for all.

Who’s with me?

 

 

CC Photo courtesy of Flickr/didbygraham

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Posted February 1, 2016 by anthony in category "Blog
written and composed by Anthony Elio