My Problems With Star Wars Episode VII

Star Wars Episode VII is out, and smashing box office records worldwide. The movie has reached critical acclaim as well, but still had a few problems. What are theee problems? Please, settle down, and keep reading to find the aforementioned problems. Now, with all of my reviews, I will have to issue a spoiler warning for those that haven’t seen it.

The seats were too small

Now, I can admit that I’m not exactly in my high school shape anymore. However, that doesn’t mean that the modern theatre should have seats that don’t conform to the male form. I have long dancer’s legs that can’t be confined to such smaller spaced. This is not what I expected the new Star Wars to be like at all.

The snack selection was lacking

As an experienced snack enthusiast, I had lofty expectations for the Star Wars food selection. What did I see? Two sections for Red Vines and only one section for Peanut M&Ms? Seriously?! Not only am I a Twizzlers man, but what kind of madhouse has peanut M&M’s but not regular?

The movie was too loud

Now I like explosions, lightsaber wooshing, and Wookie barking as much as the next guy. But did they have to play it so loudly? Additionally, for some reason, they decided to put the sound of a baby crying throughout the entire movie. I thought it was an interesting addition, but did little to add to the experience.

I had to go to the bathroom and missed a major part

Did I want to see the entire movie? Yes. Should I be punished simply because I enjoyed a few Yoohoos before the film began? NO. Honestly, how does J.J. Abrams plan to create an immersive universe when I have to miss part of the film? It’s things like this that keep me from recommending the movie to anyone.



CC Photo Flickr/ambientjohn

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Posted January 7, 2016 by anthony in category "Blog
written and composed by Anthony Elio