OPINION: All These New Flavors Take The Focus Off The Original Cheetos

I don’t usually go on these campaigns against big corporations. I realize that everyone makes mistakes in their decisions, especially on a corporate level, and it’s not usually my place to criticize. However, this has simply gone too far.

The debut of Flaming Hot Cheetos in 1998 was a controversial decision. Many purists such as myself were aghast. Why would they want to try and build on a winning flavor?

Boy, do I miss those days now.

You see, in those simpler times, Flaming Hot Cheetos seemed like we had lost everything that made Cheetos and Frito Lay respected, well regarded brands.

But once those floodgates were opened, we got every insane and inane idea coming in. Cheetos Puffs. Jalapeno Cheetos. The short-lived Crystal Cheetos. It’s like it happened at the blink of an eye.

We’re a simple country where our snacks should be kept simple. Before our grocery stores bacame a laughingstock of different flavors, the word “Cheeto” actually meant something.

And it may never mean something again.

 

CC Photo Courtey Of Flickr/jeepersmedia

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Did George W. Bush Leave His Ranch Dressing In The White House Fridge?

People seem to forget how difficult it must be to move on from something, let alone something as huge as the Presidency. And not jut in terms of the mental effects of moving on, but the physical. There’s a great Massachusetts saying that “you can’t take it with you”, and I think we should all think of that every once in awhile.

Well, in case you don’t remember, one George W. Bush oficially ended his term on January 20, 2009. Which, coincidentally, is the same day Yoplait released its controvrsial “Berry Berry Unordinary” flavor. Fate has an interesting way of reminding us how small the world is.

Bush has always said that he has no regrets over the course of his Presidency. However, is it possible that he had forgotten a bottle of ranch dressing in the White House fridge before leaving?

He has said many times in interview that he “misses something” about the White House. Is it possible he’s alluding to a bottle of Newman’s Own ranch dressing he had left behind?

The problem is, we won’t know for sure until January of 2017, when the Obamas will be vacating the premises. Is that Bush’s chance to make a mad dash for the fridge to double check? I’d say definitely.

 

CC Photo Courtesy Of Wikipedia/Bush Doctrine

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A Letter To Donald Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

For nearly the past year, you have dominated the headlines. You’ve said outrageous things, you’ve made huge claims, and you’ve gotten extremely close to being the Republican nominee.

However, there’s one issue you’ve been avoiding your entire Presidential campaign. Something that you’ve completely dodged, even though you haven’t recieved a single question about it:

Was Yogi Bear the uncle of Boo Boo or were they simply platonic friends?

This has been a speculation amongst fans since the character’s initial premier in 1958. And, while each Presidential candidate in history (specifically in Gerald Ford’s inspiring 1985 speech) has made their stance clear, you have remained completely silence.

Now, I remember a few years ago when 2010’s “Yogi Bear” came out. The film, starring Dan Akroyd and Justin Timberlake made an insinuation that the two were related in certain ways.

HOWEVER, it became clear in an interview with producer Bradley Baker that the movie was not canonical. However, he dodged the question regarding whether or not Yogi’s appearance in the “Yogi Bear and Huckleberry Hound in: All Star Tennis” arcade machine was part of the Yogi Bear canon.

So why have you remained so silent on the issue? Is it due to the fact that you’re still in the pokcets of big Hannah Barbara?

Your silence speaks volumes.

 

 

 

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Mighty No. 9 Review

The long-awaited Kickstarter funded video game Mighty No. 9 is here, and the reviews have beeen less than stellar so far. Criticism of the graphics and bland design have been thrown around plenty, and overall the game has been seen as a dissapointment.

But I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly I thought of the game. After all, I’ve been known to review a game here and there, starting from my December 2007 review of Rudolph’s Raucous Run for the TurboGrafx 16.

However, as it turns out, Mighty No. 9 is not for the TurboGrafx 16. And I don’t own any other console. But the review must go on.

Now, from image searching the game, I can tell that it’s about a boy that can shoot lasers from his hands. He wears a helmet, and appears to have a small tuft of brown hair.

Additionally, I found the title of the game interesting. Instead of putting “No.” the creators could have put in a “#”. Not only is it catchier, it’s a good way to geet the young teens involved.

Thank you for reading my review and please make sure to check out http://anthonyeliohyeah.com/ for more content.

 

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Please Stop Comparing The Mediocre NY Giants Defense To My Libido

I’m not one to be defensive. I’m not even one to be offensive. Despite what people may believe after my infamous 2013 outburst about how everyone from Oklahoma wear socks with sandals. I stand by it, even though it lost me that Hanes sponsorship.

However, there has been a recent trend that I’d like to talk about: people comparing the NFL’s lowest-ranked New York Giants defense to my sex drive.

I know that you may find it a humorous, or even apt comparison. However, that doesn’t justify it by any means.

The New York Giants defense, unlike my sexual desires, weas hampered with injuries throughout the season. Additionally, because of the complete lack of a run game by the Giants offense, the defense was on the field much too often.

And so to Al Michaels, Trent Dilfer, and all the other sportscasters that may be making this unfair comparison I say this: I will hit you with a cease and desist so fast it will make your eyebrows fall off.

Yeah, I said it.

 

 

CC Phto Courtesy Of Wikipedia/wiki/List_of_New_York_Giants_seasons

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A Letter To The Person That Stole My Backpack

Something happened over the past 24 hours that I’m not sure how to explain. It’s never easy when something of yours is taken and you don’t even get to see the person that took it. It could have been anyone. Your neighbor. Your best friend. The employees at Too Many Backpacks! that originally sold you the item.

But it goes beyond just seeing them. You want to say something to them. You have a thought that simply needs to be unleashed. Well, to the person that stole my backpack, I’ve got one thing to say: there’s a banana in the front pocket, you’d better take that out.

Have you ever left a banana in your backpack for too long? Not only does it make the banana itself mushy, the entire backpack begins to smell like banana. And there’s no way to get that out.

Bananas aren’t the only fruit that’s dangerous to leave in a backpack too long. Take strawberries for example. You risk ruining the strawberry and leaking the juices throughout your bag. That’s no good.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Why didn’t you just use a plastic bag?” And have it never biodegrade and end up in the ocean someday, where it will most likely strangle a seagull? No thank you.

And so, annonymous theif, I say this: apples are a much better fruit when it comes to travel. I will try and be more aware of this in the future. Thank you.

 

 

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Shooting Yourself In The Leg Vs. Not Shooting Yourself In The Leg

For those outside of the realm of sports, it may not be well known that Denver Broncos cornerback Aqib Talib was shot in the leg recently, supposedly by himself. If he indeed was the shooter, the incident would be strikingly similar to a 2008 occurence involving New York Giants wide reciever Plaxico Burress, in which he shot himself in the leg by accident. The two stories have brought one particular debate into the mainstream:

Should you shoot yourself in the leg or not shoot yourself in the leg?

It’s one of those things you hear the talking heads on CNN and Fox News and TBS talk about so often that you pretty much tune it out. However, I feel given the possibility of Talib’s incident, we should once again discuss the complex issue.

On the outside, shooting yourself in the leg doesn’t seem like the greatest idea. In fact, it may actually hurt your leg. And waste a bullet in the process, which I hear are quite expensive. However, I’ve never actually shot myself in the leg. So, really, I’m not sure if I’m qualified to discuss the issue. While I do own a leg, I am not currently a gun owner.  So I may have to have to leave this one up the the Constitution, where it’s explicitly stated we have the right to shoot ourselves in the leg.

But that’s just what it is: a right. Not a privelage.

 

 

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