OPINION: The Crayon Sharpener Was The Death Of Art

School is back in session which means it’s time to drop everything, grab a handful of cash and go shopping for supplies. Glue sticks, colored pencils, and, of course, a mini stapler. Those are all supplies for school.

However, there is one item you should definitely avoid: the crayon sharpener.

You see, in my humble opinion, the world of artistry passed away on February 23rd, 1990, the day the sharpener was released to the public. We thought it was an amazing idea. Finally, a way to keep our crayons long lasting.

But we lost something that day.

We lost the grime and grit of artistry, the thing that separates the casual and the professional game. By catering to the casual crowd, the real crayon artists lost something.

Where they were once tools with which to express ourselves, the Crayola corporation turned them into simple playthings.



Written By Anthony Elio – CC Photo Courtesy Of Flickr/beglen


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Guide To Firework Safety

It’s finally here, the day we celebrate the birth of both our nation and explosions. But while you’re honoring the great Uncle Sam, have you considered any of the possible repercussions of improper firework usage? That’s right, you haven’t. So let’s go over some simple tips for practicing firework safety this 4th of July weekend.

1) Don’t Use Fireworks To Burn An Effigy Of David Spade

While burning an effigy can be done well, it seems a bit inapropriate to be using fireworks to burn your David Spade effigy. A simple torch or gasoline trail will get the job done without seeming in poor taste.

2) Keep An Eye On Fellow Firework Users

While everyone else is enjoying the fireworks show, any present teens may use this as an opportunity to raid your private stash of vintage pornography. Doing frequent headcounts will help to keep a lid on any potential pornography theft.

3)Politely Ask Jason Pierre Paul To Leave 

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, more shame on me. After Pierre-Paul’s fireworks accident last year, you’re best off asking him politely, yet with authority, to leave.

4) Don’t Light Your Fireworks With The John F. Kennedy Eternal Flame

No matter your opinions on the late President, you have to know it’s not good practice to use his eternal flame, located at his Arlington grave, to light off bottle rockets, firecrackers, or sparklers. Snakes, however, are fine.


CC Photo Courtesy Of Wikipedia Commons

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I’m Going To Talk About Brexit Even Though I’ve Done No Research

Something that has been a hot topic around all social media is the recent news of Brexit. Internationally, everybody seems to have their own unique opinion on what happened, whether they live in the area or not.

But I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m thinking. You must be, you are on my blog after all. Well, I’ve done absolutely no research on the topic whatsoever. But I still feel qualified to speak on the matter.  

I feel the entire issue to be very complex. However, I think it’s quite clear who’s in the wrong. No matter what side you’re on, we all know the difference between right and wrong.

But what will the effects be of the decision? I personally could see it going both ways: it could either be a substantially good thing or a substantially bad thing. Or it could make no difference at all.

What’s important is that we’re talking about it in the open. As long as we all continue to have strong opinions and be honest about these kinds of things,  our rich history of online opinions will continue.

CC Photo Courtesy Of Wikipedia

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Top 5 Sports Arena Parking Lots To Cry In

Been holding in a good cry? No need to fear, sports arena parking lots are here! Today we take a look at the Top 5 Best Sports Arena Parking Lots To Cry In. Happy sobbing!




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OPINION: All These New Flavors Take The Focus Off The Original Cheetos

I don’t usually go on these campaigns against big corporations. I realize that everyone makes mistakes in their decisions, especially on a corporate level, and it’s not usually my place to criticize. However, this has simply gone too far.

The debut of Flaming Hot Cheetos in 1998 was a controversial decision. Many purists such as myself were aghast. Why would they want to try and build on a winning flavor?

Boy, do I miss those days now.

You see, in those simpler times, Flaming Hot Cheetos seemed like we had lost everything that made Cheetos and Frito Lay respected, well regarded brands.

But once those floodgates were opened, we got every insane and inane idea coming in. Cheetos Puffs. Jalapeno Cheetos. The short-lived Crystal Cheetos. It’s like it happened at the blink of an eye.

We’re a simple country where our snacks should be kept simple. Before our grocery stores bacame a laughingstock of different flavors, the word “Cheeto” actually meant something.

And it may never mean something again.


CC Photo Courtey Of Flickr/jeepersmedia

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Did George W. Bush Leave His Ranch Dressing In The White House Fridge?

People seem to forget how difficult it must be to move on from something, let alone something as huge as the Presidency. And not jut in terms of the mental effects of moving on, but the physical. There’s a great Massachusetts saying that “you can’t take it with you”, and I think we should all think of that every once in awhile.

Well, in case you don’t remember, one George W. Bush oficially ended his term on January 20, 2009. Which, coincidentally, is the same day Yoplait released its controvrsial “Berry Berry Unordinary” flavor. Fate has an interesting way of reminding us how small the world is.

Bush has always said that he has no regrets over the course of his Presidency. However, is it possible that he had forgotten a bottle of ranch dressing in the White House fridge before leaving?

He has said many times in interview that he “misses something” about the White House. Is it possible he’s alluding to a bottle of Newman’s Own ranch dressing he had left behind?

The problem is, we won’t know for sure until January of 2017, when the Obamas will be vacating the premises. Is that Bush’s chance to make a mad dash for the fridge to double check? I’d say definitely.


CC Photo Courtesy Of Wikipedia/Bush Doctrine

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A Letter To Donald Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

For nearly the past year, you have dominated the headlines. You’ve said outrageous things, you’ve made huge claims, and you’ve gotten extremely close to being the Republican nominee.

However, there’s one issue you’ve been avoiding your entire Presidential campaign. Something that you’ve completely dodged, even though you haven’t recieved a single question about it:

Was Yogi Bear the uncle of Boo Boo or were they simply platonic friends?

This has been a speculation amongst fans since the character’s initial premier in 1958. And, while each Presidential candidate in history (specifically in Gerald Ford’s inspiring 1985 speech) has made their stance clear, you have remained completely silence.

Now, I remember a few years ago when 2010’s “Yogi Bear” came out. The film, starring Dan Akroyd and Justin Timberlake made an insinuation that the two were related in certain ways.

HOWEVER, it became clear in an interview with producer Bradley Baker that the movie was not canonical. However, he dodged the question regarding whether or not Yogi’s appearance in the “Yogi Bear and Huckleberry Hound in: All Star Tennis” arcade machine was part of the Yogi Bear canon.

So why have you remained so silent on the issue? Is it due to the fact that you’re still in the pokcets of big Hannah Barbara?

Your silence speaks volumes.




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