OPINION: The Putt-Putt Games Taught Me Nothing About Driving Or Racial Tolerance

Developed by Humongous Entertainment in the 90’s and early 2000’s, the Putt-Putt games were educational games aimed at children. Each adventure would place Putt-Putt in various places and even time periods, intending to teach our youth. But I simply have one question:

If Putt-Putt is such an “educational” game series, how come it taught me nothing about driving? Or racial tolerance for that matter.

First off, Putt-Putt is a car. What do cars do? Drive. What did I not know how to do when I was the target demographic for these edutainment games? Drive. Are you starting to see the connection? I didn’t learn a single thing about DRIVING from a CAR.

And for that matter, the games not only taught me nothing about racial tolerance, but created many paradoxes. In 1997’s Putt-Putt Travels Through Time, our hero travels through time to get back his school supplies. And yet, throughout the entire game, he did nothing to stop racism throughout history. Am I saying Putt-Putt had some racial bias? Let’s just say I’m not saying Putt-Putt doesn’t not have some racial bias.

For many people, these games are very nostalgic examples of early learning. But it looks like some of these lessons simply weren’t all that progressive.

 

 

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Clouds Review

In this week’s review segment, I’ve decided to take on something that we don’t talk about nearly enough. Something that not enough people have an opinion about. Something that’s following you as I type this sentence: clouds.

Clouds, the large tufts of white stuff that can be seen in the air, haven’t recieved many other recorded reviews. In fact, a quick search of “clouds” on Metacritic yielded very few results. Except for results on Cloud Atlas. Which, if it’s any indication, means clouds are a huge dissapointment.

Let me get something straight, I’m not mad at clouds. I’m just dissapointed. Clouds have ben around all throughout time, and yet haven’t changed at all. Think about the last couple of decades alone. What’s changed? Cars, new wave music, and the Baldwin family. What hasn’t changed? Clouds.

I rest my case.

While I’m usually a fan of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”, I’m also a fan of changing things up when needed.  Madonna reinvented herself numerous times and is as popular as ever. Maybe it’s time to switch things up a bit, you smug ivory gas.

 

 

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Celebrity Spotlight: Martin Scorsese

One of the more influential film director of our time, Martin Scorsese is best known for films such as Raging Bull, Raging Bull Part II, and Son Of Raging Bull.  He has directed as many as those three films, and has won as many as a few awards. Let’s take a look at some interesting facts about him:

First Movie: Italian Guy Shoots Italian Guy, Still Has Family Life (1966)

Prefer Stalactites Or Stalagmites?: Neither

Biggest Regret: Failed reboot of the Deuce Bigalow series

Worst Child: Barry Scorsese, who never payed him back the gas money he owes

Notable Quote: “Sometimes I dress up my Oscar in a little tuxedo. I made a small scale model of his own Academy Awards, where he can win his own little Oscar. He asked me to be his date, but I simply can’t fit in that auditorium!”

 

 

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OPINION: There Are Too Many Kinds Of Hats

I generally try not to burn any bridges. I like to keep as many connections as possible, as not to hurt my personal brand. However. despite the fact that I’ve began advertising for hats on my website, it’s time I said something: there are simply too many kinds of hat.

Now where did this all start? Well, I went to a local shop and asked for a hat. When the employee asked “what kind?”, I didn’t even know what to say. What kind? I just wanted a hat, lady, not a loaded question. Man, I wish I had said that to her instead of standing there until the store closed trying to think of something witty.

But that’s not the point.

The point is that this has gotten out of hand. According to my research, there are currently as many as 5 different kinds of hat right now. Uhh, ever heard of paradox of choice?

 

EDITOR’S NOTE: Following this brutal takedown, AnthonyEliOhyeah.com has lost hats as a sponsor.

 

 

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UNBOXING A Printed Image Of Bea Arthur

My very first unboxing video! Check out my haul this week and see if you want your very own printed image of actress Bea Arthur.

 

 

 

 

 

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Star Fox Zero Review

Since it’s announcement almost two years ago, Star Fox Zero has been a very anticipated release for the Nintendo Wii U. The game features all the classic characters from your childhood such as Fox McCloud, Peppy Hare, Slippy Toad, and Inga the Impotent But Helpful Mongoose. Not much was known about the game outside of the fact that there would be no references to the Hindenberg disaster of 1937 out of respect.

Well, the game is finally being released this Friday, with many of us online celebrities receiving advance copies so we can review the game before its release. So you must be chomping at the bit and wondering “is this game worth spending my hard-earned Bitcoins on?” Well I’m here to answer those questions and many more for you.

Now, the only road bump is that my review copy has not come in time. Must have been a miscommunication in the shipping department. However, I am still contractually obligated to review the game, so we’ll have to make do.

The game is set in space from what I can tell. And I believe there’s a few different planets as well. Man, this is kind of tough without playing the game.

You pilot your ship throughout space to fight other space things. I assume. The game probably has replayability as well, from what I’ve heard. Man, I really should have checked on that shipping. But who has time these days?

Needless to say, I’m pretty sure I recommend this game.

 

 

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