“The Bachelor” Season Finale Recap

After many weeks of waiting, we finally know who will be spending the rest of their mortal lives with our 20th bachelor. Let’s take a look at everything that transpired during the season finale of the 20th season of The Bachelor.

-Opening of episode showed montage of contestants that weren’t chosen along with an image of their least favorite potato dish

-Bachelor Ben was faced with a difficult decision. After getting both arms trapped in different mayonaise jars, he had to decide which one he could live without

-Contestant JoJo revealed she doesn’t think you could build a snowman in space. Ben agreed

– Ben introduced the two final contestants to the scientist that created him, the vat of ectoplasmic goo he survives on, and his cousin Bill

-Contestant Lauren tried on hats for five minutes but never bought one

– The final competition sees which contestant can chew through solid oak. JoJo is disqualified

 

 

Photo Courtesy Of PopSugar

 

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Unbelievable! Obama Was At A Nearby Arby’s During Nancy Reagan Funeral

I am at a loss for words. They say that this is the “Senior Spring” of sorts for our two term President. Well, it looks like he’s simply stopped showing up for class alltogether,

Nancy Reagan, who passed away this past week, was laid to rest early this morning. Her funeral was attended by many large political figures, such as Hilary Clinton and George W. Bush, whose brother Jeb worked the valet for the service.

Notice a name missing? That’s right, the POTUS himself, Barack Obama. While the Obama team claims he was out doing serious work, where was he spotted during the funeral? A nearby Arby’s restaurant.

How nearby was the Arby’s? Right across the street from the service.

“I saw him walk into the Arby’s just as the service was starting” Jeb Bush recalled. “I was just parking Condoleezza Rice’s Dodge Viper and watched him order.”

Come on Obama. There’s not taking your job seriously and then there’s just not caring. I think you owe Mrs. Reagan a bit more respect than to order a Beef N’ Cheaddar across from the place she’s being put to rest.

 

CC Photo Courtesy Of Flickr/mediajorgenyc and jeepersmedia

 

 

 

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Peyton Manning Career Highlights

The career of professional quarterback Peyton Manning is officially over. The career of professional late night infomercial salesman Peyton Manning has begun. But before that, let’s take a quick look at the ups, downs, and downs and slight up of Payton Manning.

March 24, 1976: Born 6 lbs, 0/0, 0 TD 0 INT

September 23, 1979: First word, commercial endorsement

November 13, 1984: First denial of HGH use in Pop Warner

December 21, 1991: Also forgets who Cooper Manning is

April 18, 1998: Starts getting paid to play a game

Septermber 26, 2011: Succesfully reanimated, chased by angry mob

February 7, 2016: Masterfully doesn’t lose Super Bowl

 

 

 

CC Photo Courtesy Of Flickr/politicalpulse

 

 

 

 

 

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Insensitive Much? This Lego Character Uses A Wheelchair But Doesn’t Need One

I’m usually not someone to call out a company for crossing the line of political correctness. But sometimes, we all just have to speak up.

It was announced this week that the latest set of Lego toys will have a controversial new character. Ramp Requiring Randy, an original creation from the Lego corporation, has a bit of an offensive backstory.

According to the official Lego website, Randy “sat in the wheelchair once as a joke, but noticed that it got him a lot of action. He now rides it everywhere despite being in good health.”

Wow. Just wow.

While I believe it’s important that people in wheelchairs are represented in our media, this just isn’t the way to do it. Some will find it offensive and possibly even vaguely threaten to stop purchasing products from the company.

It’s the year 2016, Lego. Get it together.

 

 

CC Photo Courtesy Of Flickr/sozialhelden

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Peyton Manning Gives Thanks To All His Devoted Brands

After weeks of speculating, former elite quarterback and current decent quarterback Peyton Manning has announced his retirement. After two Super Bowl championships, numerous MVP awards, and immeasurable forehead growth, Manning gave a tear-filled message to his brands earlier today:

“You guys have been with me since the beginning. Bengay pain relief cream helped sooth my sore muscles my rookie year. American Airlines always made sure I got to the game on time. And who could forget the KFC Double Down, which gave me the protein and energy needed to get back on top.”

Manning, whose suit was adorned with advertisements for TurboTax and Pandora Internet Radio, paused for a moment, clearly overcome with emotion.

“A lot of people have been asking me what I’m going to do now that my playing career is over. Well, I wouldn’t say no to the great selection of the Sonic Drive Thru, now serving Green Mountain Coffee.”

Manning ended the annnouncement, shook hands with a tearful Hamburglar, and shouted “you can’t beat the roomy interior of a 2016 Ford Explorer” before stepping into his 2016 Ford Explorer.

 

CC Photo Courtesy Of Flickr/denverjeffrey

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The Cast Of Norbit: Where Is He Now?

We were all huge fans of the 2007 comedy classic Norbit. An instant hit, the film is a tale of a young man caught in a hazardous relationship, there were laughs aplenty to be had.

However, that movie came out nearly ten years ago. Many of us are curious where the cast of Norbit is now. Well, the answer is here.

The entire cast got together for a quick interview with AnthonyEliOhYeah.com:

Anthony: Hello Mr. Murphy. I’d like to talk to you about Norbit.

Eddie Murphy: *whispering* Excuse me?

Anthony: Did you really play every part in the film?

Eddie Murphy: Please get that camera away from me. This is a funeral.

Anthony: When will we see Norbit 2?

Murphy: Please quiet down. This is very serious.

Anthony: Was there any inspiration for the character of Norb-

While our site’s field reporter was mistakenly taken away by security, it’s always interesting to get together with the cast of a film to relive the glory days. And, while details are apparently pretty hush-hush from the film’s star, could Norbit 2 be on the horizon? I guess we’ll just have to keep waiting.

 

 

CC Photo Courtesy Of https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=8466523

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Celebrity Spotlight: Dr. Seuss

For those unaware, it was just the birthday of Dr. Seuss, a writer and illustrator of over three books. Dr. Seuss, also known as Theodor Geisel and The Midnight Luchador, was originally born some time before this article was written. While not actually a doctor in the traditional sense, Seuss did have a firm belief that diseases are bad. Let’s take a look at a few interesting facts:

Notable Works: Hop On Pop 2: Burying The Evidence, The Vagoosle Monologues, The Mystery Of The Whoville Strangler

Book You May Not Know About: His little known erotica novel “Dr. Seuss Loves A Nice Caboose”.

Interesting Fact: Whenever anybody asked “is anyone here a doctor?” he would giggle uncontrollably, ignoring the emergency at hand.

Biggest Regret: Not living long enough to see more episodes of Home Improvement.

Notable Quote: “I’m going to say it one more time. The Cat In The Hat was not hiding a list of Communist Party members under his hat. I’m not going to address this ever again.”

 

 

 

CC Photo By Al Ravenna, New York World-Telegram and the Sun staff photographer – Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division. New York World-Telegram and the Sun Newspaper Photograph Collection. http://hdl.loc.gov/loc.pnp/cph.3c16956, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1385486

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